On grief… losing a friend

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Losing a friend…

Last month, I recorded a rather unusual video. Very vulnerable and open. Without make-up or lipstick.

Why did I want to make this video?

To tell my story. To reveal myself… and to share.

If you’ve ever attended one of my lectures or workshops, you’ve heard me tell the story of how laughter yoga came into my life. Following a car accident – a “badly wrapped” gift, as I like to say.

You’ve also heard me talk about my friend Manon, with whom I stayed during my weekend training as a laughter yoga facilitator in Montreal. My “dignified” and smiling psychologist friend, a serious and responsible manager. She was the same one who watched me laugh as I showed her how to do the welcoming laugh, and who replied that “you had to be there”!

She didn’t understand the idea of intentional laughter at all, but was nonetheless amused to see me so enthusiastic and bubbly as I explained what we’d done and what I’d experienced on that first day of training.

My beautiful friend Manon died suddenly in her bed at home a few days ago. In secret…

With no response to my calls or texts, I decided to call her cousin to ask if I could leave her something for my friend. And it was she who told me the sad news…

Not only had Manon passed away, but none of her immediate family had access to her contacts, so I didn’t find out until after the funeral.

Phew!

The next day, I had to go to Val David to record a podcast episode with two wonderful people, Laura and William from DoshayogaCommunity.

Laura was concerned about my state of mind and my morale – the news upset me enormously – and suggested postponing the meeting. But knowing that I wouldn’t be available later, I decided to go ahead. In spite of everything.

Now you’ll understand why.

Why did I go?

I’m the one who talks about joy, laughter and good humor.

I share with you some tips to take things with more lightness, benevolence and sparkle!

But grief, mourning and hard knocks are also part of life. For me, as for you, it’s part of my life.

Many people are tempted to put off their emotions for fear of judgment, for fear of not being able to “get back on track”, to get out of the “hole”. When it’s too sad, too difficult, we try to apply a temporary balm so as not to suffer. Some drink, some take pills. Anyway, you know what I mean.

As my university professor used to say… What we resist persists.

I didn’t want to force things and laugh at all costs. No. Instead, I chose to show that it’s possible to keep a cheerful heart despite grief and life’s difficult moments.

While I laughed softly with them, I didn’t think about my great sorrow. I was simply living. And I remembered the joy of having had such a wonderful woman in my life. I would almost say that I felt her presence by my side during those moments in that magical place.

I don’t laugh ALL the time! This week, I’ve been experimenting with tears a lot. And that’s OK! I KNOW my laughter is there… right next to it.

What happened

A few days ago, I suggested an exercise to subscribers to the École newsletter. The blackhead exercise.

As I mourned the loss of this precious friend, someone unknowingly taught me a tremendous lesson.

In her comment to my FB post, she reminded me to think about all that remains, all that is. Not to dwell on what’s missing, what’s gone. I was forgetting her. (Yes! Even I forget sometimes!)

Another did me a lot of good when she said that “the pain of mourning is love that doesn’t know where to go“. As I read it, I began to direct all that love towards her, towards my friend, towards the sky, towards the birds, towards the flowers, towards my family… what’s left. And I felt better.

Tears and laughter

Tears are laughter’s little cousins. They’re very close sometimes! And they’re also part of life.

I’m just like you. I experience challenges, mourning, not-so-easy times. But I know that the sun shines above the clouds and I focus on what is and what remains.

Let’s raise our heads. Let’s look to the sky. Smile lightly. Celebrate what has been and what remains.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, my beautiful Manon d’amour. Thank you for the beautiful trace you leave in my life and in our hearts.

Laughter, joy and health

Linda

An exercise to do NOW

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I’ve got a great exercise for you today.

Like many things in life, I discovered it by chance. But Linda, there’s no such thing as chance, you may ask! No doubt not. HAHAHA!

I invite you to do this wonderful exercise NOW.

Here. Right now. Without a second thought. You’ll see why. It’s simple, but it speaks volumes.

Take a sheet of paper and make a small black dot in the middle.

Have you done it? Stop reading and DO IT.

Here we are.

Now describe what you see.

Take 3 minutes to describe what you see. Don’t cheat! Stop reading and DO IT!!! FOR REAL! On any piece of paper, but DO IT! Otherwise, look at the photo and describe what you see! HAHAHA!

Then…

Look at what you’ve written.

Are you talking about the blackhead? Its size, its position on the sheet? Its dark color?

or…

Are you talking about the whole white part of the sheet?

What’s happening

The little blackhead is like the worries, the health problems, the financial worries, the whole shebang that preoccupies us in life.

Think about it for a moment.

The blackheads are very small when compared with all the OTHER things in our lives. Yet they are what pollute our lives.

Then what?

Take your eyes off the black spots in your life and realize how much you have. Enjoy every satisfaction, every positive moment that life gives you.

See the abundance around you… and ENJOY MORE! You’ll live happier.

 

My own experience

I suggested this exercise to my newsletter subscribers in an e-mail sent out a few days ago. This morning, as I was talking to a friend who was sharing her thoughts on a subject that was on our minds, I had a revelation!

I was focusing on the black spot! On what wasn’t working, what was bothering me, what was missing! And I didn’t see everything else that was blossoming in my life!

Crazy!!!

Realizing this immediately led me to LOOK and THANK for everything else.

In doing so, guess what happened?

YES! The “black spot” lost importance in my eyes because the rest was dazzling!

Really. Great exercise!

Have you done it?

Tell me… if you too will have revelations like mine! HAHAHA!

Laughter, joy and health

Linda

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An evening ritual

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Do you have any rituals?

I don’t know about you, but I like the idea of ritualizing certain moments and events in life.

We all have rituals we don’t think about: brushing our teeth after meals, washing up in the morning (or at the end of the day), setting the table in the evening for breakfast the next day (my mother does it!), drinking a cup of hot water in the morning (I do it!).

I have one that’s particularly good for me.

Every evening for almost a year now, I’ve been answering four questions in a little notebook in which I record my thoughts.

It was while reading an article by a man who wrote about why he likes to keep a diary that the idea of giving it a try came to me. Not just any kind of diary, but one in which he answers specific questions in the morning and evening.

I wanted to try out her evening ritual and, to my great surprise, I was completely hooked!

Even when I go to bed tired after a long day, I make a point of recording my answers in my notebook.

In doing so, I find that I fall asleep reviewing my day and having focused on something positive most of the time.

My comments

The first question leads me to look back on my day as a whole: What did I learn today?

It’s quite fascinating to realize that every day we have the opportunity to learn something new! Sometimes it’s as simple as “I learned that I can sing in Italian – phonetically!” and other times it’s more technical like “I learned how to use a new software program!”

The second is awareness of the greater and the invisible: Where have I seen or felt the divine touch?

It’s everywhere! What have I seen, heard, smelled, observed that is BEAUTIFUL, generous, lovable? It’s there, that divine touch.

The third is to observe my evolution: How am I different?

This one sometimes gives me a hard time! But I always come up with something. “I’m more patient with…” or “I think I’m less…”.

And the last one is about my emotions during the day: How did I feel?

Ah here, it’s like a festival of colors! I see my whole day again. “Amused, sad, satisfied, lucid, worried, serene, loved, loving, suffering, impatient, frustrated, joyful, grateful, light…” Quite often, I find that I’ve gone through a whole range of emotions – like a rapidly flashing strobe light. And I give thanks for all these signals.

My conclusion

I’ve realized that if I don’t do this exercise before going to sleep, it’s like forgetting what I’ve done and who I’ve been during the day! And taking a look at myself by answering these questions makes me more… human and aware of what I’m going through.

I see that I’ve lacked patience at some point, that an event has caused me pain, that I’ve been thrilled by beauty, that I’ve fully appreciated something or someone.

It’s a bit like giving myself a pat on the back, congratulating myself on what’s “to my liking”, forgiving myself for “what tripped me up” and telling myself that tomorrow I’ll have another chance to keep learning!

I really like this ritual.

My recent addition to this ritual

A few weeks ago, I started writing down a section to prepare for the next day: What would I like to ask for tomorrow?

And I fall asleep with a lighter heart every night.

Will you try?

If you do, let me know. I’m interested to know if you’re also experiencing beautiful things with this evening writing ritual.

HAHAmaste

Laughter, joy and health

Linda

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